NEW YORK CITY, NY – If you have investments in crawfish related stocks, we urge you to sell now. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wall Street traders were in turmoil today after KATC’s famous CRAWDAQ index plummeted like a rock, with crawfish eateries across Acadiana revealing prices as low as they have ever been.
The values have sent shock waves through the stock market since it opened at 9:30pm EST, and experts already believe that many investors in crustacean stocks have potentially lost millions.
KATC reported last night that “Lafayette crawfish prices are at their lowest levels we’ve ever seen on the CRAWDAQ Index”, prompting traders to sell up before the worst of it hits. They went on to confirm that “on average you’ll pay $4.67/lb. That’s down 10% from last week. It’s also down 31% from the first report at the beginning of February”.
Financial expert Richard Staley explained the situation.
“With a strong harvesting season and a bountiful supply, prices are at rock bottom right now”, he said, “This is causing the CRAWDAQ to fall sharply. Great news for those who want to go out and stuff their faces with 5lbs for $1.99 – not great for those who have funds tied up in the market.”
“The best advice I have for those affected is to sell before it’s too late. Then take what money you have left, and go drown your sorrows in a plate of crawfish.”
The CRAWDAQ Index is now over until next season, with experts unable to say whether or not it’ll bounce back.
