MIT, Cambridge, MA – Concluding an in-depth three-year study involving hundreds of clinical trials and countless hours of analyzing data, experts have finally concluded that you probably should have just stayed away from the comment section of that article on the Facebook page of your local news outlet.
The study was conducted by some of the top minds at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and comes as an increasing number of people just want to rip their hair out after reading batshit crazy, outright racist and generally just awful comments in most news outlet comment sections.
Lead researcher of the study Thomas Boyd explained his team’s findings.
“This study lasted almost 36 months”, he said, “So it’s safe to say that we were very thorough and concise. We analyzed data available to us, interviewed well over 2,000 people and used one of the world’s most advanced supercomputers to finally conclude that yes, you probably should have stayed away from that comment section.
Like, just completely away. You shouldn’t even have clicked it. Your morbid curiosity got the better of you when you knew that you could have saved yourself anger and hatred and loss of faith in humanity. You could have used that time to better yourself or help someone. You could have baked cookies. You could have played with the dog. But you read the damn comment section.
We repeated tests to ensure that the findings were consistent and, each and every time, the results were the same. You definitely shouldn’t have read them.
It’s very satisfying to get conclusive results. We’re very happy with our findings and the way in which everything was evaluated.”
Boyd confirmed that they have been approved funding for their next research project ‘Should you have watched that psychological thriller before bed?’ which will begin in the new year.