RIVER RANCH, LA – Despite tropical storm Barry having moved on and petered out, River Ranch today declared a state of emergency due to a resident’s white 2019 Tahoe still being covered in dirt for a whole 24 hours.
The dirt was noticed on the Tahoe this afternoon as River Ranch residents began emerging from their panic rooms, after spending the weekend drinking Moët and discussing who has the highest credit line.
The car, who’s owner has not yet been identified, has been cordoned off with tape and a one-mile exclusion zone placed around it.
Residents within the restricted area have been shuttled out on golf carts to a safer area, and children have been moved along with their parents covering their eyes.
“This is obviously a very scary and worrying time for the River Ranch residents”, said local official Kitty Turner, “Many of them have a lot of questions and just want to return to their homes knowing that the vehicle in question is clean.
We are coordinating regularly with River Ranch security personnel and, if the owner does not show up by the end of the day, we will bring in hazmat teams to clean and detail the vehicle to meet River Ranch standards.”
Officials will release a statement when the state of emergency has been lifted.
