RIVER RANCH, LA – In little surprise to most election forecasters, the Kingdom of River Ranch has declared that Queen Tara of Camelia has comfortably won reelection.
After what began as a tightly contested race against challengers Bobby of Richland and Christy, Settler of the Trace, Queen Tara pulled away in recent weeks after a strong door-to door-via-golf-cart campaign in which she also handed out bottles of Moët and Russian caviar.
Voters were also happy to give them her vote after house values remained strong in the past four years, remaining steady at an average value of $12,000,000.00.
Queen Tara also ran on a number of new proposals and promises for the kingdom, such as vowing to get tough on homeowners who have three or more dead leaves in their yards, reducing the speed limit on Camelia Boulevard to 5mph, and upgrading the surrounding walls and moat.
“Ohhhh my God, I am like soooo happy to still be your Queen of River Ranch”, said Queen Tara at her victory speech, “Like, although we’re not officially recognized as part of the U.S. government, I’ll continue to fight for you and the area to ensure that we never have to associate with those ruffians on the other side of our wall.”
“I thank my challengers even though y’all are pretty much losers, and I’m sure I’ll see y’all at Rhythms on the River next year or at Another Broken Egg on Saturday for mimosas YAAAAAS.”
Queen Tara: 1,385 votes
Bobby of Richland: 528 votes
Christy, Settler of the Trace: 498 votes
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