NEW IBERIA, LA – In a heroic showing of guts and bravery, federally appointed horseback riders braved the wild wilderness of Iberia Parish today to deliver the FEMA presidential alert message.
The alert, which reached reached everywhere in the U.S. other than Iberia Parish by text message, was hand delivered to residents due to the fact that the area’s infrastructure is still the same as when the Spaniards founded the area in 1779.
The fearless riders battled through rugged terrain, fought off rampant meth dealers, slayed angry nutria rats and bravely delivered the messages to each and every homestead to ensure that the good people of the parish knows about the new system.
“Good people of Iberia Parish, fear not! We mean you no harm!” proclaimed rider Douglas Villarreal upon entering the city, “We bring you urgent news from the leader of this land! Please, if you can read, then please do so read the FEMA alert carefully. If you can’t, then we have provided a translator who will attempt to read it to you via hand actions.”
The riders have believed to have taken up shelter at a tavern for the night, where they will be served grog and boiled rat tails. They will make their return journey to Washington D.C. in the morning.
