BATON ROUGE, LA – With the special legislative session over, and Governor Edwards declaring the whole shit-storm as a ‘disaster’, desperation point was reached last night with the revelation that $30 million was still needed to fully close the budget gap.
But Edwards today confirmed that he was planning on “taking one for the team” in an attempt to close that gap single-handedly – by selling his prized Pokémon card collection. And he said that parting with them will be one of the hardest decisions he’s ever had to make.
“I’ve been in politics a long time, and I’ve had to make some decisions that can define a man living or dying”, he said, “But those decisions pale in comparison to the difficulty of the one that I’m making today. I’ve been collecting Pokemon cards for the past 20 years – it’s been a part of my life that I’ve kept to myself. And to have to say goodbye to them is going to break me. But I’ll do it. I’ll do it for this great state.”
The governor confirmed that he has a couple of interested parties who would be willing to pay the $30 million for his collection – one that he believes is the best in the world.
“It’s unmatched”, he said, “I’ve sought out the rarest, and I’ve traveled to each corner of the globe to do so. I’d go as far as saying that whoever buys this collection is getting a hell of a deal. I have nine first-edition Charizards, for God’s sake, all in mint condition. Two of them are Japanese. I have three pre-release Raichu cards, the whole Southern Island card set, and even a Pikachu Illustrator card. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”
He said that he plans to meet with the interested parties over the next few days.
“I have meetings lined up, yes”, he said, “I’m travelling to Boise tomorrow, and then onto Spain over the weekend. So we’ll see how it goes. But I’m hopeful.”
