ST. LANDRY, LA – Claiming that the color is too grey and miserable and that it’s from completely the wrong era, Clay Higgins’ wife Becca today announced that she’s not sure if her husband’s new 15ft confederate statue totally fits in with the vibe of the living room.
Congressman Clay (R-LA), a staunch patriot, protector of freedom and defender of all things America, salvaged the statue of the confederate soldier from a Virginia protest after single-handedly converting all of the protesters to Christianity and making them bend their knees in praise to the almighty God.
The statue, standing at just under 15ft in height, has been placed right in the middle of the living room. Clay also had to cut a hole in the ceiling due to it being a little taller than space allowed for – a minor modification that allows the soldier to stand tall and proud, most likely the pose that he struck moments before surrendering to Union forces.
“I just don’t think it fits in very well”, Mrs. Higgins was reported to have said, “I mean, I know he’s your baby and all, but wouldn’t he have been a better fit in the garden? Or maybe your office? You could have used him as a paperweight or something.”
“Absolutely not”, Clay allegedly replied, “He deserves to be front and center. This guy here is a hero, a patriot, a fighter for what he believed in. I want to stare right into his red white and blue-blooded soul as I rest my weary feet and watch reruns of COPS. He’s not going anywhere, and that’s that.”
It’s yet to be seen who is going to win the Battle of Where Will The Statue Live, however unlike the Confederacy Clay has no intentions of surrendering so easily.
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