LAKE CHARLES, LA – Despite years and years of being told that he was “structurally weak” and “way below standard”, the I-10 bridge in Lake Charles is feeling pretty smug today after taking the whole weight of a riverboat casino.
The Isle Of Capris casino riverboat appeared to have broke away from it’s mooring during the passing of Hurricane Laura, wedging itself under the bridge that carries motorists over the Calcasieu River.
Authorities have often criticized the bridge for being way below structural integrity standards in the US, with the National Bridge Registry assigning it a 6.6 out of 100. Probably because it appears to be held together with sticky tape and discarded chewing gum.
However the bridge struck back with venom this morning, clearly basking in the smugness of being able to casually hold a whole riverboat between its supporting beams.
“A lot of people have talked smack about me for a long time now”, said the bridge this morning, “They said I was weak and pretty scary looking. Well, I may still be scary looking but weak? I bet you never thought that I could hold a whole boat in a Category 4 hurricane, huh?”
“I always knew I had it in me. It never phased me. I kept on doing my job even when they were giving me 6.6 out of 100 ratings. Maybe they’ll go back and bump that number up a bit now that they’ve seen what I’m capable of.
Bring it on. Bring it all on. Riverboat’s ain’t shit to me – throw an oil tanker at me and I’ll shine like the Sun. Let’s do this. Anyone got an oil tanker? C’mon, let’s do this.”
Operations are underway to remove the riverboat from the bridge, with crews checking that all the sticky tape is still in place.