LAKE CHARLES, LA – Claiming that they had a suspicion that it wasn’t the best quality on the market, Calcasieu Parish officials have vowed never to purchase a confederate statue from the Wish app ever again.
Hurricane Laura barreled through Lake Charles early this morning, sending the South’s Defenders monument toppling to the ground and folding up like a piece of Great Value aluminum foil.
Officials had suspected that the statue wasn’t the greatest in terms of quality after purchasing it for $7 (pre-shipping) from the Wish app. The fact that it was also listed as “confidential soldier from the US cold war” was allegedly also a red flag.
But due to not having a huge budget, the purchase was made last year and erected using some garden string from Home Depot.
“We clearly made a mistake”, said one parish official. “We have learned our lesson and will ensure that we purchase a higher quality statue next time. There are some listed on eBay at $25 which are clearly superior quality and would likely withstand a hurricane.
Also, if anyone is interested in purchasing a used confederate statue, slightly worn, then please contact the Lake Charles courthouse. We’re selling one for $5.”