SUGAR MILL POND, LA – With the price for a gallon of regular gas now standing at $4.17 according to AAA, the sudden rise in cost across the country is without doubt forcing a lot of Americans to have to make tough decisions.
And none more so than residents of Sugar Mill Pond, who are being hurt so badly at the pump that they are now being forced to choose between taking up their 2022 SUV’s and throwing their weekly cocaine-fueled dinner parties.
The decision for these upper-upper-upper class folk is not one that came easily, but residents are putting necessity before other necessity and putting gas in their vehicles ahead of snorting lines of coke off of their kitchen islands while the lobster cooks.
“It was one of the hardest decisions we’ve had to make in a long time”, said Sugar Mill Pond resident Scott Delgado, “Probably the hardest since having to choose between paying the bribe to get our kid into Yale and the swingers party in Orange Beach.
But we’re sensible people, and we know that putting gas in the tank is more important than sniffing some of that frosty mountain up the tooter. It’ll allow us drop the kid off at baseball practice before driving aimlessly around town with our daiquiri’s at 2pm, observing those poor middle-class folk who just don’t have it as good as we do.”
Sugar Mill Pond residents will no doubt have some tough financial times ahead, although though some analysts expect the extreme prices to be short-lived.
