LAFAYETTE, LA – With the recent controversy surrounding an artist and her gallery, new protests have popped up in regards to the Alfred Mouton statue and renewed demands to take it down. Although unnoticed for the most part until recent debates, angry protestors point out that the statue has always had visible nipples, and this is starting to upset some of the more prudish residents of Lafayette.
Reports suggest that it was a local elderly lady that first noticed his “perks”. She was allegedly posing for a photo next to the Laf Vegas sign, when she saw the nastiness and proclaimed to her husband “Hey, look up there Ernest – that thing has nipples? How disgusting! There’s no place for that in this day and age!”.
Complaints are reported to have been filed and plans to censor the nipples have been set in motion. Early this morning crews were seen leaving the statue with a white sheet having been wrapped around Alfred.
We reached out to some local historians and self-proclaimed experts on the Mouton family regarding this controversy, and reactions varied.
Camille Leone Tolbert – Locally Renowned yet ultimately Self-Proclaimed Historian
“Look, we all know the history and story behind Alfred Mouton. He was a great leader of men, and totally wasn’t a dick, but I have to admit that seeing his nipples on the regular has been pretty scarring. I mean, it’s just indecent. It’s bad enough I have to look at my own everyday. I really don’t think he needs to be taken down, but maybe we could paint a coat over him?”
Nick Facheux – Area Prude and author of Catholic-bestseller ‘Prayers Not Nipples’
“This man is no good! And his filthy pleasure-bumps ain’t either! We demand he be taken down immediately!”
Killian Phallon – Lafayette’s Version of The Naked Cowboy (sans guitar)
“What are nipples, if not expressions of art? Who are we to judge others and their body parts? I think every one is beautiful in their own unique way, and for us to demand censorship is wrong and uncivilized. For the Nude Artwalk I plan on going nude to prove my point!”
There are more protests scheduled amongst supporters and non-supporters of the #FreeAlfredsNipples campaign, but only time will tell whether or not he or his nipples will remain erect. In the mean time, try to get out to take a picture of Alfred’s nipples if you want to support the freedom of art, while you still can. Tag us on Instagram with the pictures and #FreeAlfredsNipples at IG: TheDailyCrawfish.
Those aren’t nipples that’s the buttons to his Valiant Gray Frock coat