BATON ROUGE, LA – In a welcome boost to Louisiana’s 900,000 enrolled members, the state government today announced that all cases of Swamp Ass were now covered under Medicare.
With temperatures reaching three figures so frequently – and the humidity not far behind – cases of medium to severe Swamp Ass are being reported at record levels with many residents being forced to pay out of pocket to get butts de-swamped and de-humidified.
The bill passed unanimously, with both sides of the aisle scrambling to vote Yea as quickly as possible so that they could all go and take care of their own swamp asses before it was too late.
With Swamp Ass coverage passing convincingly, it is now believed that bills to ensure coverage for both Swamp Boobs and Swamp Balls will be voted on next week. Both are also expected to pass.
Local medical professionals praised the move.
“I’m personally delighted that this bill has passed with unanimous bipartisanship”, said Lafayette-based physician Jason Burk, “Swamp Ass is a growing concern as of late for both my practice and many other practices in the area. We’re all in agreement that Swamp Ass could almost be classified as a state-wide pandemic as of now.
Me and my fellow professionals are seeing far too many terrible cases of butt-cracks that could be mistaken for a sauna room, or even a raging waterfall hidden away in the Smoky Mountain wilderness. Those things are damp. Really damp.
It’s everywhere, and it’s spreading, and we need to do all we can do nip it in the bud. Allowing it to be covered under Medicaid will help out countless numbers of vulnerable people who are most at risk of Swamp Ass. I praise the decision.”
