NEW YORK, NY – The global scientific community gathered in New York City today, and announced that despite recent evaluation and research they are no closer to understanding how the scooters in Lafayette, LA reproduce so quickly.
Scientists and other nature experts from across the world have been descending on Lafayette in recent weeks after the scooter population exploded from a mere 30 to approximately 17 million.
But despite the round-the-clock monitoring and close-up investigations of tranquilized scooters, it was announced that we are no closer to understanding just how it happened.
Margaret Cassella, Zoologist with the American Association for the Advancement of Science, explained that her and her colleagues are at a dead end right now.
“We’re all quite baffled to be honest”, she said, “The population of these scooters in Lafayette has risen at an unprecedented rate over just the last two months. It’s unlike anything we’ve ever seen before.”
“Everywhere you go all across the city you are seeing more and more of these scooters. We estimate that roughly 30,000 new scooters pop up in a 24-hour period. Eventually they’ll engulf the whole area, most likely causing a forced evacuation.”
“It’s imperative we quickly learn and understand how this works so that we can implement some sort of plan to maintain the growth. Worst comes to worst then we’ll work with the local Department of Wildlife and Fisheries to open up a hunting season for them.”
“Until then all we can do is keep on researching.”
