LAFAYETTE, LA – Claiming that they have been brought in to restore peace and order to the area as swiftly as possible, the National Guard arrived in Lafayette today in response to a local crawfish restaurant posting low per pound prices on their Facebook page.
Local company Dem Crawfish Boyz made the erroneous mistake of making the post at lunch time today while bravely trying to include as many adjectives as possible, such as ‘BIG’, ‘JUICY’ and ‘PERFECTLY SEASONED’.
Unsurprisingly locals have reacted to this like a pack of rabid dogs who haven’t seen food in a week, excitedly asking questions such as “Where are u located????”, “Is this valid all day tomorrow?” and “ARE THEY BIG AND WELL SEASONED??????”.
The low price of $5.99 for 3lbs and $11 for 5lbs has sent residents into a frenzy, and members of the National Guard have already been stationed at various points around town while making regular foot patrols to ensure that everyone is remaining as calm as possible.
Dem Crawfish Boyz – referred to by the National Guard as Ground Zero – has had 10ft barbed wire fence erected around the eatery with a checkpoint on each side of it.
“We’re working around the clock to make sure that the people of Lafayette are calm, collected, and going about their everyday business”, explained Officer Clay Gwynn of the National Guard, “These people are tweaking hard right now knowing that cheap crawfish is within city limits. Everyone is on edge and we’re here to make sure it doesn’t get out of hand.”
“We’ve set up a command center in Parc Sans Souci so we have a good grasp on the situation. We also get to play in the fountain which is also a bonus.”
A timeline for when the National Guard would leave was not given, although they are expected to remain in town for a few days.
