BATON ROUGE, LA – With Zika cases expected to rise throughout Louisiana in the coming months, state officials have taken measures to combat the infectious disease by installing hundreds of 200ft cans of Off! Bug Repellent along each edge of its state line, as well as its coastline.
The virus, which is transmitted via mosquitoes, is a real threat is to developing fetuses. The mosquito-borne virus can cause serious birth defects such as microcephaly, which causes abnormally small skulls and incomplete brain development.
Andre Rodgers, spokesperson for the Louisiana Center for Disease Control (LCDC), explained that the newly-implemented system will surely keep the virus out of the state.
“All of us here at LCDC are over the moon at this state-wide installation”, he said, “This is bound to work. I’d like to see those damn mosquitoes even try and get into Louisiana with this highly-advanced defense system now up and running. Everyone here is really proud of what we’ve accomplished with this. Zika might be a global problem, but it’s not going to be a Louisiana problem.”
He also talked about the strength and quality of the installation.
“We opted to go for the ‘Deep Woods Sportsmen’ variety of the Off! spray”, he explained, “Not only is it a little more powerful and penetrating than the regular variety, but it also has a really nice musky scent to it. Not only are we preventing the spread of this terrible virus, but we’re improving the smell of Louisiana by approximately 500%. This is a win-win. A bit of an eyesore, sure, but hopefully people will get used to them and understand that this is for the best.”
