RAYNE, LA – Claiming that he believes that he was brought to the Rayne Frog Festival under false pretenses, Vermont-based frog Albert Cronin says that he is sick of being kissed – without permission – by a large number of area women on the hunt for their trailer park prince.
Mr. Cronin of Montpellier, VT, is an expert on Coastal Erosion Within the U.S. and was invited to attend the annual Rayne Frog Festival to talk about the decline of the Louisiana coastline and rapid disintegration of the amphibians natural habitat. But he now says that it is not what he expected, and after being asked for a kiss over three hundred times by desperate area women in the first day, is now looking to head back home.
“I get it, I’m a rare frog from up North so they expect me to turn into some kind of prince when I’m kissed”, he said, “But I was completely assured that this wouldn’t happen. I was assured that I would be thoroughly respected as a professional by all involved, and that my message regarding coastal disintegration would be heard loud and clear. I’m sure I hold more degrees than the whole of Rayne combined. I didn’t spend six years at Harvard to be treated like a male floozy. It’s a real shame.”
And Mr. Cronin went on to explain what the women have been hoping for.
“Before they even kiss me they’re all like “Oh, I wonder if he will turn into a prince””, he said, “Most of them don’t want a regal prince though. Just one who can hunt, fish, look good in greasy overalls, make some good oilfield money, and knows how to work a grill. Evidently that seems to be the standard requirements around here. Expectations aren’t high at all – I think it does the term ‘prince’ a disservice in all honesty.”
Mr. Cronin says he intends to head back to Montpellier later today.
