The Crawfish Analyzes: Is John Bel Edwards Actually A Warlock?

“Is John Bel Edwards a Warlock?” A question on the mind of many since the results of the race for Governor were released.

When John Bel Edwards was elected Governor of the state of Louisiana, some people had a mixed bag of emotions. Anger, confusion, and sadness.

Diaper Companies were some of these people. They asked “How could a man with such a strong position on Family Values and truth lose to Edwards?”. Was it a trick, or even a Democratic Liberal conspiracy with Obama and the NWO? A quote from a source who only wants to be named as Hogan says “No way, brother. This is much, much worse.”

Dark rumors have emerged that Bel Edwards and co-conspirators have been seen and heard practicing Magic. The Gathering of warlocks (as they are considered) were seen going into a local store, known for the trading of objects related to the arcane and dark arts. Our source says they emerged six hours later, carrying boxes and small bags which undoubtebly held spell books and potions.

If true, this will outrage the good Christian folk of Louisiana who do not believe in magic or fairy tales. Will the truth come out? Will these claims and rumors turn out false, or will the proof set forth the demise of all things? Our request for a response was denied by a man-like figure in dark robes, but rest assured we will not stop until the truth comes out.