ABBEVILLE, LA – After last night’s shit show at the Vermilion Parish School Board meeting in Abbeville in which a teacher was arrested for having the audacity to question why a Super Nintendo was getting a $38,000 raise (which is actually enough to purchase 75% of the parish), local authorities have decided to just handle things in the easiest way possible by announcing that ‘asking too many damn questions’ is now considered a first degree felony.
Facing backlash from teachers and non-teachers not only in Louisiana but from all over the nation, the parish authorities spent last night in damage control mode which involved board members huddled around a bonfire, knocking back shots of moonshine and repeatedly muttering “well, dang, this ain’t good y’all”.
However when one board member – who was 12 shots deep at the time – suggested simply outlawing the idea of asking too many questions, fellow board members agreed with him and immediately wrote the law into effect on the back of a Great Value napkin, which now hangs on the walls of police departments all over the parish.
“One too many” is now lawfully defined as “more than one” – meaning that you only get to ask one question before being forcefully arrested in a school corridor and thrown in the back of a police car. The felony carries a prison term of up to “a hell’a long time, baw” (usage of years were scrapped in Vermilion Parish in 1978 after authorities struggled to do the math in most criminal cases).
“Look, we can’t have these thugs out here on the streets asking more questions than we have patience for”, a spokesperson said, “Everyone gets one question to ask per week. Any more than that and you will be arrested and charged. We need to curb this unlawful behavior before the education level rises to a point in which our blatant corruption is exposed to the point of no return.”
“We’d also be lying if we said that we weren’t looking forward to the extra income, but that’s another issue. Our main goal is to maintain law and order throughout Vermilion Parish and keep our constituents under control, all while ensuring that the Super Nintendo gets the pay raise that all of his close friends and benefactors thoroughly believes that he deserves.”
The law goes into immediate effect.
