WASHINGTON, DC – Despite being given the day off from maintenance duties, resident White House grass cutter Clay Higgins watched on in disgust today as some punk-ass kid who volunteered to mow the lawn made a complete fuck-up by not keeping anywhere near as straight as Higgins would have liked.
Higgins, who is reported to take great pride in ensuring that the lush lawns are kept in tip-top condition, could only stand and watch in horror as 11-year old Frank Giaccio swerved left and right in what was comparable to a NASCAR driver during a warmup lap.
“Mr. President, with all due respect, I think I should probably take over now”, he was seen saying to President Trump, “Look at him, he’s clearly never done this before in his life. He’s ruining everything, all of my work! Frank! Jesus Christ Frank just walk in a damn straight line, it’s not hard!”
“Look Mr. President I can be back here with the John Deere in five minutes. Just, I dunno, take him on a tour of the house or something. Let him play with your NERF gun. Kids love NERF guns. What kind of kid enjoys mowing the lawn? Frank why are you even doing this?”
“STRAIGHT LINES FRANK, STRAIGHT LINES! JUST STOP ALREADY! Shit are you even getting paid for this?!”
Higgins was then reported to have been calmed down by the President by assuring him that the photo op would soon be over, and that Frank was being paid $10 but was confident of haggling the price down by over 50% due to lack of signed contract.
