LAFAYETTE, LA – After a relatively slow start to her Spring break, super-basic area college girl Elizabeth Briggs believes that it’s time to take it up a notch and really start to fit the stereotype by getting hammered with at her friends pool party on nothing but Natty Light.
Briggs, who attends UL, spent the first two days off her week off binge-watching New Girl for the ninth time. However upon the realization that her Instagram account was looking decidedly void of Spring bikini photos, she last night collaborated with her other equally basic girlfriends via WhatsApp to set up a pool and drinking day.
And now reports suggest that Briggs is taking every shortcut imaginable to ensure that she’s “Like, oh my God, COMPLETELY wasted” by the end of the day — beginning with using Natty Light as mouthwash.
“I mean, I’m going to reek of cheap beer in a few hours anyway so like, what’s the point?”, she said, “Like, I’m already one can in and it’s only 8am. Three more cans and i’ll be like, oh my God, I’ll be done. Just done. It’s going to be so funnnn!”
Sources report that she also replaced the milk on her cereal with Natty Light — another move that, in her mind, was completely Einstein-like in terms of smartness.
