HOUSTON, TX – With recent reports coming to light of a drillship being ordered to ride out a Category 4 storm in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico earlier this week, the ship’s owners released a statement today regarding the situation.
Backlash on Shell Oil has been harsh, with many people in the area in disbelief that the ship was ordered to stay where it was instead of return to shore ahead of the oncoming Hurricane Ida.
Roughly 100 crew members were stranded on board, with a hull breach also taking place.
A Shell Oil spokesperson confirmed that “Oil good” and “Money nice” and additionally that “Mmmmm yes, big profits”.
Ship? No. Money? Yes, more.” explained generic Shell Inc spokesperson in fancy suit and tie. “Big profits. Me like. New car, hmm? Yes. Oil good. Storm? Pffft. Work more, now, harder. Need money. Big raise.
I go now. Goodbye.”
Rescue operations are currently underway to rescue the stricken crew members. It is believed that the Shell Oil top brass have asked to be kept on top of the situation as long as briefings are kept to under 10 seconds and they don’t clash with their allotted pool, coke and hookers time.
