LAKE CHARLES, LA – It’s no secret that local food-delivery company and stock market giant Waitr has been somewhat of a damp squib as of late, with an abundance of negative press, layoffs and more CEO changes than you can count on two hands.
More layoffs were announced yesterday, however the company has now created a clear path to recovery by refocusing on whatever the hell they were doing approximately three years ago.
Experts agree that the plan might just be crazy enough to work, with many suggesting that if they really do go back to doing things the way that they were done when times were good, then times may just be good again.
“We have a clear and complete path that we will follow” said spokesperson Daniel Wargh. “The problem is that we’ve gone through so many CEO’s in the past two years – 193,198 of them to be precise – that nobody knows what we did three years ago when success was at its peak. We’re going to have to do some digging. ”
“But the plan is in place. We spent 18 hours at Olive Garden yesterday strategically putting into place this plan, carefully writing it all on the back of a napkin. And yes, we did tip. We gave the waitress 150 Waitr shares – not a lot, but it was something.”
“Regardless, we’re excited. The plan is genius. We are geniuses. We think we still have Drew Brees on board, but we’re checking on that. He won’t return our calls – I guess he’s having phone issues or something.”