WASHINGTON, D.C. – On the back of his now-famed “kill them all” Islamic terrorist rant, worried Washington co-workers have politely informed Congressman Clay Higgins that his office Nerf gun usage has been revoked with immediate effect.
Higgins, who co-workers say had been nearing breaking point for a while now, eventually lost the plot on Sunday evening with a fairly over-the-top holy war-esque rant pertaining to terrorism that drew criticism from most level-headed quarters.
And because of this, Higgins is officially no longer permitted to carry any Nerf guns, with his fellow office workers fearing that he may cause some sort of damage – or worse – in his current mental state.
“None of us were surprised to read it”, confirmed a source that wanted to remain anonymous, “He’d been abusing his Nerf gun privileges for a little while now by typing “Islamest+terror+man” into Google Image Search and firing the darts at his laptop screen. We all thought that was a little weird. It was obviously getting to him.”
“The next red flag was at our weekly 6 p.m. office Nerf war on Friday. We usually just loosen the top button and tie our ties around our head, kind of like Rambo. But he emerged from the women’s bathroom in S.W.A.T gear, Kevlar, riot shield – the whole lot. Then he started screaming “WE’RE IN A HOLY WAR YE COWARDLY FOOLS, THY ILK ARE NOT WELCOME HERE IN THY LAND! RETURN TO WHERE THOU ONCE CAME, YE SAVAGES!”, like, real Shakespearian shit. He must have saw it on T.V. or something.”
“And then we saw his rant a few days later. We knew he’d crossed the line. We knew it wasn’t safe for him to be carrying a Nerf gun in the office. We all agreed that we had to politely ask him to turn it in. He understood. He looked rough. I think he just sloped off back to his office to build another cardboard rocket ship.”
Congressman Clay Higgins refused to apologize for his comments.