MIAMI, FL – Has America ever known a true patriot like him? With Hurricane Irma likely to devastate Florida, Congressman Clay Higgins has decided to take matters into his own hands by stationing himself on a Miami beach and aiming a rifle in the general direction of the storm.
Higgins is believed to have been stood in the same position for at least 16 hours so far, not so much as blinking. He has consumed no food or water, however he did come prepared by donning a cool pair of beach-themed sunglasses.
It appears that Higgins is confident in his abilities to make this category 5 hurricane stand down, however most people are skeptical whether that is possible.
“I’m not sure that even Clay can stop this one”, said a beach-goer, “I heard something about how he managed to stop a gang of gremlins once which sounds cool, but y’know even this one might be a bit too much for him.”
“I thought he was paralyzed at first, but we checked and he’s definitely alive. His head is getting a little sunburnt though, so I hope someone comes along and puts some sunscreen on it.”
This story is ongoing.