HELL – In a significant boost to the area, Satan confirmed today that the Underworld’s long-awaited 10th Circle will include the Acadiana Mall amongst its very first tenants.
The project has been almost fifteen years in the making, however construction is now complete and officials are beginning to slowly but surely usher in people, places and businesses.
“It’s been a long time coming, for sure” said the Prince of Darkness, “Probably too long. We had some planning permission issues along the way as well as a few other road blocks, but this new circle promises to offer the worst of the worst. This is the first new circle that we’ve built since 143AD, and we’re all very excited to see what the future holds for it.”
And he also voiced his elation at his first batch of inhabitants – which includes Acadiana Mall.
“They were top of the list” he confirmed, “You have to go into these type of things with a clear list of people you want on board. Can you think of a greater punishment than being sent to the Acadiana Mall? I can’t. That’s the type of experience we want to offer here. We’re over the moon that they’re part of this fantastic project.”
However the self-proclaimed Antichrist refused to be drawn into speculation about other possible tenants.
“We made an offer to see if the New Orleans Saints wanted to be involved by playing the 2015 season on repeat for eternity, but we’re still waiting to hear back. We’re also looking at possibly somehow working with some of the local DMV offices in the Acadiana area. But honestly, I think it’s only fair that we don’t say anything more until everything is signed on dotted lines. But we’re up and running, and that’s the main thing.”
