WASHINGTON, D.C. – In what is being described as a huge blow to the security of New Iberia and the surrounding area, President Biden is cancelling a $184 arms sale to the city pertaining to the purchase of a fleet of stealth crop-dusters.
The next-gen crop-dusters have anti-radar and anti-UAV capabilities which would allow local farmers to tend to their crops without the threat of being monitored by surrounding parishes and cities.
The sale was initially approved by President Trump, and would have seen 35 units of the F-117C (Cropduster variant) delivered. However after a careful reevaluation of the specifics of the deal, Biden has decided to scrap it based on the fact that he believes that New Iberia would use it for detrimental reasons.
New Iberia has been hostile towards its neighbors ever since building a wall around themselves and making Lafayette pay for it. And President Biden doesn’t want to risk any further skirmishes between the two areas.
“I’m cancelling this arms sale despite it previously being given the go-ahead”, he said at a White House press conference this morning, “Firstly, we believe that the reasoning New Iberia gave for the purchase is dishonest, and that instead of using it for undetectable crop-dusting they plan to use them for something more sinister.
Secondly, it seems that the previous president purchased these aircraft for half of the sale price from an overstock seller on Alibaba. Upon further inspection, the aircraft are held together with hot glue and pipe cleaners. We absolutely had no hesitation in calling this deal off.”
However New Iberia’s army General Robert Hernandez pushed back on the claims and slammed the decision.
“We’re very disappointed that the sale has been cancelled”, he said, “We were planning on using them for crop-dusting, and definitely not other things like flying over Lafayette and covering them in cheap Axe body spray or pulpy orange juice. And to suggest that we were would be a God-damn lie. Sort of. Maybe.
Okay so we might have had a few ideas floating around, but we probably wouldn’t have followed through with them. Unless Lafayette really pissed us off. Which they do, a lot. You guys think you’re so much better than us.”
It is yet to be seen whether a new deal can be reached, or the existing one negotiated.