MILTON, LA – Despite cases of the Coronavirus having been confirmed in the United States within the past few days, residents all across Louisiana have said that they aren’t worried and will only panic when the Budlight virus reaches the area.
Originating from a market in China, the contagious and deadly virus has reached numerous states throughout the country, with a treatment nor a vaccine currently available. The death toll stood at 41 as of this morning; that number, however, is expected to rise.
Early rumors suggested that the virus may have originated from the ducks at Girard Park, however this turned out to be untrue.
Locals are unfazed, though. Area resident John Weber gave his opinion on the issue.
“Ain’t no panic here”, he said. “This household is strictly Bud Light, all-American. Always will be. Don’t be needin’ none of that Mexican crap with the fancy fruit in the bottle-neck and seasonin’ around the edge. Ain’t got no reason to be worryin’ about no Corona stuff.”
“Now if the Budlight virus comes around here then yeah, we’ll be worried. Probably just go live on a boat or somethin’.”
A small contingent however (those in Freetown to be exact) explained how they were more worried about a potential Pabstblueribbonvirus and/or a Nattylightvirus than anything.