SHREVEPORT, LA – In a dramatic contrast from early polls, latest figures suggest that Northern Louisiana has voted to REMAIN part of the state, with 98% voting in favor of sticking with the cool kids.
With voting booths closing in 15 minutes, exit polls suggest that almost all of the Northern folk had a last-minute change of heart after imagining the prospect of being out there in the big wide world, all alone, with the inability to ride on the coat-tails of the South.
Political Analyst Kent Hill explains the sudden U-turn.
“We’re seeing an astronomical change in predicted voting habits”, he said, “And this is most likely down to a few things. However, I’d say that mainly it’s due to the fact that, well, if they become independent then what have they got going for them? At least at this point in time they can say “Hey, we’re that state that’s home to a Superbowl-winning team!” or “Man, our state makes the best food”. Can you imagine an independent state in which their most popular attraction is the ‘You are now leaving’ sign at the side of the I-20?”
And he believes that the South would have no hard feelings towards them.
“Northern Louisiana is like that little brother that doesn’t have much of a personality”, he said, “He always has messy hair. Never really brushes his teeth. Never really has much to say, nor has much of a say. You kind of just acknowledge him when he arrives home from school and ignore him for the rest of the evening. And in this instance he’s had just a little too much sugar and got a little excitable. But you love him anyway, because he’s always there. So I’m sure things’ll go back to being great.”