BATON ROUGE, LA – A new bill has been reportedly been fast tracked to the Governor’s desk today, which would allow marijuana to be legalized specifically for Mike VI amidst his chemo treatments.
The ‘Holy Crap Just Let Mike Get High Already’ bill would allow for his trainers to purchase the weed directly from Colorado dispensaries, while still keeping it outlawed for regular citizens and personal use. The legislation was reported as being unanimously agreed upon by both parties, and favored by Bel Edwards.
Rep. Jacob J. Killjoy released a statement on the bill saying that the decision was an obvious one.
“We feel as if this is a no brainer”, he said, “Mike VI deserves whatever kind of comfort he can get throughout his treatment due to his status as a symbol of Louisiana pride and culture. LSU is considered to be the top attraction to Louisiana, and naturally we will agree. By legalizing this ‘dank herb’ as the youth refer to it, we can ensure he will be all about that ‘mad reefer’ and power through his chemo.”
He also confirmed that Mike had initially made the request for this to happen, and has the support of friends and family.
“Mike wants this, for sure”, he confirmed, “And the people closest to him support him. His good friend Chester Cheetah has already been in contact with him and I believe they have made plans to have a night in front of the TV, whilst ‘blazing up’ and watching Harold and Kumar movies.”
But when asked about the status of completely legalizing usage for every day people, his stance wasn’t as lenient.
“Are you kidding me?”, he said, “The devil’s lettuce? Unless we want our kids to become gay or trans-gorillas or shooting heroin into a Blue Heron in the bathroom of a Chick-Fil-A, there is no way in God’s green naturally growing Earth we do that!”