LAFAYETTE, LA – With Tropical Storm Cristobal currently over the Gulf of Mexico and showing no signs of slowing down as it heads for the Gulf Coast, Rob Perillo has decided to take matters into his own hands by heading South and warning the weather system to turn away and never come back.
Rob who, through an exclusive The Crawfish Analyzes investigation in 2016 was discovered to control the weather, is believed that the world just has too much going on right now and is using his privileges to command the storm to stay away.
He was seen making a bee-line South this morning. He was then seen on a Gulf Coast beach an hour later, standing towards the storm with his arms aloft yelling “Hear me Cristobal! I am your master and I command ye to turn away! These people have been through enough and I demand that you disperse your energy and lay down!”
“Turn your wind and rain to sunshine! Turn your clouds to blue sky! I’m warning you buddy, don’t make me come out there and put some of my own low pressure weather on your ass!”
A bright yellow glow was seen to surround him while his eyes turned a bright red, a sure sign that he meant business and wasn’t playing around.
As of the most recent weather report Cristobal has yet to weaken, a possible indication that he’s being a stubborn little brat. Experts suggest that he would be wise to listen to the man who controls the weather, however it’s yet to be seen if that will be the case.