ABU DHABI, UAE – After dismantling part-time fighter and full-time arrogant whiskey seller Conor McGregor at UFC: 257 last night, Dustin Poirier has revealed that running up and down Camelia Boulevard 49 times a day was the secret to his victory.
Poirier beat the Irishman in two rounds through TKO, and received praise from all corners of the MMA world for his performance.
“Everyone thinks that I’ve been undertaking special training regimes for this fight”, he said in the post-fight interview, “But honestly I haven’t swung a punch in about a year. All I’ve been doing is running up and down Camelia Boulevard in River Ranch six hours a day.
It’s the secret to success. Why do you think everyone does it? You drive down there and if you don’t see anyone running then it’s probably the apocalypse. Just up, and down, up, and down. Keep doing that and one day you could be a UFC champion too.
Also add a few drops of my hot sauce to your bottle of water if you really want to kick it up a gear. Your bubble-gut will make you run that little bit faster.”
McGregor also revealed that he wasn’t sure how he managed to beat him until he found out Poirier’s training regime.
“I’ll be honest, I was baffled”, he said, “But now it makes sense. I’ve been wasting my fockin’ days working on my fight tactics and and punches and kicks, when I should have just been running up and down Camelia Boulevard all along.
I’ll know for next time. Hopefully there’ll be a third meeting between us and it’ll be a little more even next time.”