NEW ORLEANS, LA – After a glittering career spanning 20-years in the shadow of Tom Brady, Drew Brees today confirmed that he is retiring in order to spend more time on the Atlanta Falcons Facebook page and shit-talking on their posted articles.
He made the decision this afternoon, and confirmed that he made the difficult decision in order to commit himself to laying into Falcons fans online full-time.
“I no longer have the time nor the energy to both play professional football AND comment “21-3! Choked!” on every Atlanta Falcons Facebook post”, said Brees, “I have given my all on the field for twenty years now, and now it’s time that I must turn my attention to giving it my all online.
Playing for the Saints has been the biggest privilege of my life, but my work is only just beginning. I will now lead the charge in the clowning of the Falcons and I hope that every Saints fan will be right behind me doing the same.”
