SCOTT, LA – Captain Clay Higgins’ long anticipated ‘Redemption Ride’ only lasted seven minutes yesterday, after one of his training wheels on the bike he was riding snapped off on the side of the I-10 near Scott.

Higgins, who had teamed up with famed Hawaiian bail bonds office worker Duane “Dog” Chapman and some other black politician who had been presumably roped into coming along through the means of a brown paper envelope full of cash, was seemingly distraught at seeing his fellow riders drive off into the horizon.

Reportedly lacking in a toolkit and any form of strong bonding adhesive, there was nothing Higgins could do about the damaged training wheel other than call it quits, before contacting his good friend Brian Pope to come and pick him up.

The other 400 or so riders did however complete the ride, although there was a slight hiccup after it was pointed out to Dog that he’d been holding the map upside down for the duration of the event. This caused the group to end up on the Canadian border, where they were detained overnight.

The broken bike has been picked up today and will undergo maintenance before the next Redemption Ride. There are plans to reinforce the training wheels with duct tape.


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