NEW IBERIA, LA – Iberia Parish Crime Stoppers spokesman and America’s most expressive hand gestures cop, Sergeant Stephen Guidry will be out of action indefinitely after an unfortunate incident involving a Chinese finger trap toy.
Sources at the Iberia Parish Sheriff’s Office have informed us Sergeant Guidry was investigating a break-in at a local convenience store when he became fascinated by the toy left behind by a small child. Sensing that this could be a clue, Sergeant Guidry picked up the finger trap, and made the mistake of sticking both index fingers into it, instantly rendering the spokesman unable to perform his characteristic wild hand gestures on Crime Stoppers episodes.
All’s not lost for brave Sgt. Guidry. A spokesman for Mr. Gatti’s has confirmed that he does have a promising career performing for kids on the weekends if he is unable to continue his law enforcement and TV career.
Until they are able to find a replacement, Iberia Parish has enlisted the help of Troy Landry from Swamp People, and a gang of trash pandas from a local trailer park. This decision was made after Congressman Clay Higgins turned down the job, citing possible retribution from the Gremlins Gang, and additional child support deductions.
Iberia Parish Sheriff’s Department has asked that you keep Sgt. Guidry, his family, and the agency in your thoughts and prayers during these trying times.
