TUSCALOOSA, AL – After this afternoon’s 46-41 defeat to LSU, officials at Alabama Football are blaming the rare occurrence on a malfunctioning tidal system which was unable to be fixed in time.

The tidal system, which is believed to be controlled from the depths of the stadium, was only able to roll a quiet, gentle stream as opposed to the usual tide.

Crews tried their best to amend the issue for the whole game, but as of the end of the 4th quarter the problem still hadn’t been fixed, causing LSU to coast to victory and hand Alabama their first defeat of the season.

“We’re obviously very disappointed in our roll tide system”, said spokesperson Joe Shives, “It’s the first time that it’s let us down in a long time. We look like idiots – you can’t roll a water the power of a piss, it has to be a tide.

We’re going to be working around the clock to make sure that the roll tide tidal system is ready for the next game. We’re sure it will be, as long as we can find someone around here with a reading comprehension high enough to work out the instructions to this thing.”

Alabama hope to bounce back next week against whoever the hell they’re playing.


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