LAFAYETTE, LA – Finally, a compromise that everyone can get behind! With citizens clashing over the proposed removal of the Alfred Mouton statue, city officials have quelled both sides by pulling him down and replacing him with Buc-ee Beaver.
It was decided at a hastily arranged council meeting that the smiling, baseball cap-wearing semiaquatic rodent was the best option as who the hell can get mad at that goofy looking thing?
The statue was erected this morning and, hell, just look at it. It’s a beaver holding its arms out clearly wanting a hug.
City official Maria Scott explained how the decision was made.
“The decision to replace a Confederate figure with a overly-excited beaver was made after careful deliberation and suggestions from a number of people”, she said, “Ultimately we felt that this was best for everyone involved – a figure that both sides could look up to.”
“His wide smile, eyes full of joy and slightly coked-up demeanor are already serving as an inspiration to the citizens of Lafayette.”
“We think we’ve made the right decision and look forward to all moving forward as one.”
Parents are reminded not to let their children climb the statue to hug the beaver.