RIVER RANCH, LA – Cradling her to-go cup like a prized treasure, River Ranch housewife Helen Simon was reunited with her beloved Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks this morning as if it was a long lost sibling that she hadn’t seen in 45 years.

The popular Fall drink was back on the menu at Starbucks today, earlier than in previous years most likely due to the desperate need for money amid reported financial troubles. Executives are however expected to be back in profit within the week thanks to basic girls across the area.

“It’s been so long!”, she was reported to have exclaimed from the drivers seat of her 2018 Tahoe, “It feels like an eternity! How long has it been, my love? A year? Nonsense, it must be at least 40!”

“Oh sweet pumpkin latte how I have yearned for you all this time. I have missed you with every ounce of my being. I never gave up hope that I would see you again, even during those months where the only option was a Unicorn Frap. What a bleak moment in time that was.”

Simon was then seen heading back to the safe confines of River Ranch where she and her beloved latte went to spend some quality catch-up time in her seven bedroom four bath townhouse.

It is believed that Simon will be in the Starbucks drive-thru line tomorrow at 5:30am sharp.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here