LAFAYETTE, LA – Having just landed at Acadiana Regional Airport moments ago, Vatican priest Fidenzio Di Gregorio has been drafted in to sage the Lesspay Motel property despite having absolutely no idea just what horrors he is in for.
Armed with approximately 20kg of sage and enough crucifixes to give Vermilion Parish a run for its money, Di Gregorio was reportedly overheard telling fellow passengers at the number three baggage carousel that “he doesn’t expect to be in town much longer than a couple of days”.
Unfortunately for Mr. Di Gregorio, local experts are suggesting that he has severely underestimated what he is going to be up against whilst attempting to spiritually cleanse the locally-renowned landmark.
“He really thinks he’ll only be here a couple of days?” asked city official Jerry Walton, “He really has no idea, does he? Does he know that he’s been drafted in to cleanse the Lesspay Motel and not the Hilton Double Tree, right?”
“This isn’t a two day job. No way, no how. He’d better get used to being around here because he won’t be going home any time soon. I can’t even imagine the things that he’s going to come up against. It’s going to make The Exorcist look like a lunchtime medical drama. Somebody needs to give him the heads up, and quick.”
“20kg of sage might last him a couple of hours. We’ve already contacted all of the gypsy stores within a 100 mile radius to check on their stock levels. We’re ready, but we need to ensure that he is too.”
“Godspeed to him.”