HEAVEN – Claiming that he’d just seen an unbelievable deal for a second-hand, barely used Falcon 7X aircraft online, God has been in immediate contact with Louisiana-based pastor Jesse Duplantis urging him to purchase it without haste.
God reportedly spotted the luxurious, $54 million jet on AeroTrader after casually browsing the site in search of a small, single-prop aircraft for himself that he could use recreationally to fly between the afterlife airfields.
He immediately called Duplantis from his office, urging him to buy it before another televangelist scooped it up.
“Jesse? It’s me, God”, he said, “Look, I know you have a couple of nice jets already but I just spotted the deal of the century online. A Falcon 7X, barely used, only 1500 hours logged, in perfect condition. A snip at a mere $54mil. You’d be crazy not to consider it.”
“I know it’s a lot, but you have to consider the resale value on this thing. Easily upgradable too and can be retrofitted to a cargo configuration if needs be.”
“Look, just tell them down there that I said you needed it and hit them with the usual spiel. Blah blah spreading the word quicker, yadda yadda it’s what I’d want etcetera etcetera. Seriously, this one’s not going to last long buddy.”
God then forwarded the listing to Duplantis via e-mail. He is now taking to the media to encourage donations for the jet, should you wish to throw a few dollars his way.