BREAUX BRIDGE, LA – Sad news for crawfish fans around the world. Breaux Bridge, the self-proclaimed “Crawfish Capital of the World” has been forced to cancel their annual Crawfish Festival after a mutant, 40 ft mudbug went on the loose.
According to Breaux Bridge’s mayor, what was a simple genetic engineering experiment designed to demonstrate how to reduce purging time on the beloved crustacean before boiling, quickly got out of hand at one of the booths.
“We had the best scientists from LSU on these here crawfish, sha,” explained the mayor. “Then came time to season those big juicy monsters. Dat’s when we found out dat dem boys from down Zin Zin Road had switched out dat seasoning for some high powered steroids, and suddenly, the chemical reaction created this abomination.”
“We just couldn’t stop it, us.”
The path of destruction resembles that of an EF5 tornadeaux, reaching from the festival site, all the way through to Doyle Melancon Rd. RVs from around the country that had arrived early for the weekend’s celebration had been tossed as far away as Cajun Palms or Scott.
Congressman Clay Higgins has returned from Washington, and is assembling members of local law enforcement to take down the mutant crawfish, who he believes to be a member of the Gremlins Gang. Higgins was last seen at the Carencro Walmart purchasing a new pair of tight jeans, KY jelly, and eyeliner.
We ask that you keep the people of Breaux Bridge in your thoughts and prayers during this difficult, and potentially delicious time.