In order to generate more revenue due to the recent oilfield sponsorship’s over the last couple of years, Festival International has introduced special bracelets for attendees who wish to bypass those of lesser means.

Organizers said this decision didn’t come easily, but it was imperative to attract people from out of state who skipped SXSW for more obscure performances like Boudreaux’s Stuck Motor Bayou Band, or Israel’s hot new act, The Gaza Protest Sniper Choir.

A special invitation went out to hipster culture vultures around the world, explaining the importance of buying the special bracelets which would allow them to skip over the common people from such places as Breaux Bridge, and enjoy medical marijuana during a performance of Vermilion Express, free from police harassment in the interests of local culture.

For the low price of $5,000, a Festival volunteer will shoo residents out of the way on the path to the air-conditioned bathrooms, while yelling “Shame! Shame! Shame!” to anyone with a Budweiser in their to-go cups.

10% of Festival International proceeds are expected to go to the Brian Pope Legal Defense Fund. An additional donation of $2,000 will also allow donors to become Lafayette Reserve City Marshals, with an autograph from Congressman Clay Higgins.

Festival International will wind up on Sunday afternoon, with the last participant finally making it out of traffic across the Basin Bridge sometime around Thursday night.


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