BATON ROUGE, LA – After much back and forth debate in recent days, Louisiana lawmakers have decided to scrap their repeal of the death penalty, and impose a fate far worse than death on convicted murders -being forced to read comments sections of local news outlet Facebook pages.
A bill sponsored by Senator Fred Mills (R-Parks) would require prisoners eligible for the death penalty to spend 4 hours a day reading such news outlet comment sections on Facebook such as those belonging to KATC, KLFY, while also in engaging in the comments section in extreme cases.
The bill is coupled with a proposal to expand access to medical marijuana, making living in Louisiana slightly more tolerable.
“It’s a win-win situation for us” explained Angola warden Joel Shhuck. “We get to remind the inmates how they aren’t missing out on anything at all when it comes to the Internet Plus we won’t have to spend money on death penalty appeals, as they will likely off themselves after reading the fifth insane comment from David in Bunkie.”
The bill is expected to empty death row within weeks.