NEW ORLEANS, LA – Claiming that he was ready to settle this war “once and for all”, Clay “The Patriot” Higgins made his Wrestlemania debut this evening in a 5 on 1 handicap match against The Gremlin Gang.
Things between Clay and the gang have been bubbling for the past three years now, long before he was elected as a congressman. But things reached fever pitch in recent weeks, and after a microphone tirade at Capitol Hill last week, the Gremlins responded by suggesting that the spat be decided in the squared circle.
Higgins vs The Gremlins was the second match up of the evening, but despite being a low card the fighters still put on one of the most entertaining spectacles in recent wrestling memory.
The Gremlins, known for their high flying high risk maneuvers, had Higgins on the ropes for most of the match. But he fought back through a number of naughty – but deadly – counters.
With the referee looking the other way Higgins pulled out a titanium bible, striking it to the head of two of the Gremlins.
“Bah gawd! He’s got a titanium pocket bible!” the commentators shouted, “He’s wiping them out!”
Higgins then dodged a flying clothesline from Gremlin #3, countering it with an All-American Suplex and finishing him with a Justicebomb.
He then turned his sights to the fourth Gremlin, and after a brief grapple finished him off with his ‘John 8:32’ finisher – a modified Crucifix Powerbomb, but in which he reads “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” before throwing him.
Clay was all set to finish off the fifth and final Gremlin. However, he was interrupted by Brian “The Louisiana Slammer” Pope who, despite his best intentions, accidentally hit Clay with a chair shot instead of his intended target of the Gremlin member.
The Gremlins claimed the win, with Clay now claiming that this battle was far from over. He was also seen calling Pope a “God damned idiot” while leaving the ring.