LAFAYETTE, LA – With Thanksgiving break fast approaching, area grocery stores have increased their wine quantities by 500% in anticipation of frazzled teachers in the area purchasing bottles in huge quantities.
Despite schools having only gone back in September after the Summer break, most teachers are already gearing up to spend the whole week curled up on the sofa, under a blanket, and chugging White Zinfandel from a bottle while stuffing their faces with Chex Mix and other various snacks.
Mike Moore, wine buyer for a leading local grocery store, said that they’ve had to bring in huge amounts of extra stock.
“Most people think that we purchase extra wines to sell because it’s Thanksgiving”, he said, “That’s partially true. We make around $28,000 on wines the week of Thanksgiving, with $24,000 of that being spent by local teachers who are just ready to forget about it all for the duration of their break.”
“We’ll be looking to increase our quantities again the week before the Christmas holidays, and even more so the week before the Summer holidays.”
“It’s always a fun sight seeing them crawl through the doors at 6pm on Friday, desperately saying “Wine… wiiiinnneeee… please… show me… show me where the wines are…” like a scene out of the Walking Dead.”
“I’m sure it’ll be no different this Friday.”