NEW ORLEANS, LA – Claiming that he’s “got this all under control” and that “there won’t be any major flooding on his watch”, New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu today settled residents nerves over the possibility of inactive flood pumps by heading on down to Home Depot and purchasing five new fancy Shop-Vac’s.
With Hurricane Nate on the way and the below sea level city in its sights, New Orleans residents are more than concerned that the city’s flood pumps will once again fail as they have done in recent times. However the hero mayor has now put everyone’s minds at complete ease and assured them that flooding will be a non-issue.
“These monsters were $195 each”, he said, “Y’all can rest assured that with these bad boys we’ll have any flood waters taken care of in no time. They were made in the U.S.A. and everything. Look, they’ve got the official seal on the front and everything.”
“They’ve got these crazy attachments too, so we can get any water out of those hard to reach areas such as the Upper 9th Ward.”
“We got five of them so I think that should be more than enough. I kept the receipts too, so I can probably get a refund on any we don’t use. Got some sweet points on my Home Depot membership card too.”
“Obviously expect some rain, but just know that there’s no need to worry. As soon as it all dies down we’ll be heading out with these things and getting everything looking good again.”
Hurricane Nate is expected to make landfall late on Saturday.