Baton Rouge, LA – LSU fans are outraged that Mike VII, the newest tiger mascot for the school, has yet to stand for the National Anthem.
Unemployed oilfield worker, and New Iberia resident “T-Dave” Richeaux has threatened to burn his 2007 LSU jersey in protest, which was the last year he was actually able to afford to purchase the university’s gear.
“It’s bad enough that we have liberals who hate our country and refuse to stand for the National Anthem, but now even our tiger has betrayed the great armchair patriots of Louisiana. According to InfoWars, Mike VII is part of the New World Order which wants to combine the ACC and SEC, and make LSU play third-tier teams like ULL or even Grambling.”
Other residents of the same trailer park also expressed their outrage in a series of “mais yeah” and echoes of “gawwww” before returning to the latest episode of Sean Hannity.
Through an interpreter, Mike VII told The Red Shtick that he was confused about the local language and the patriotism of LSU fans.
“I don’t honestly even quite know where I’m at right now. They told me I was going to an American college, but there are weird flags of rebellion at the tailgates and people speaking something that sounds like English muttered by drunken French tourists on Bourbon Street at 4 in the morning.
Honestly, I’m a fucking rescue tiger. I’m just lounging in this awesome pen and taking photos with these poor folks from Jennings and Bogalusas who can’t afford tickets to the game. I don’t even know what these people want from me right now. I was hoping to go somewhere like the National Zoo, or even the circus, but here I am in Baton Rouge. Fuck my nine lives.”