NEW IBERIA, LA – This is a serious issue that the Southern Louisiana community needs to handle immediately. Early reports are coming in that New Iberia has successfully launched a series of inter-parish bottle rockets that have travelled at least 17 feet.

With Lafayette Mayor-President Joel Robideaux seeking approximately $200 million dollars to complete the I-49 corridor, along with a security wall to make sure that immigrants from New Iberia aren’t able to sneak across the northern border, the shady self-reliant parish now seems to be ramping up their efforts to antagonize Lafayette officials even further.

Addressing the issue of Iberia Parish and its residents earlier this year, Robideaux had said that “They are not our friend, believe me. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”

New Iberia had been rumored to be working on a water-powered bottle rocket launch base in response to his comment, with water-powered, Colt 45 bottle-based projectiles – tipped with weapons of mass infection such as the herpes virus and chlamydia.

Preliminary reports today have confirmed five test firings, three of which landed in a sugarcane field, one in a trailer park, and the most destructive one landed on a meth lab which caused approximately $50,000 in damages to the operation (and $1.29 for a new perspex window).

Today, Robideaux’s stance on New Iberia is even tougher.

“This latest news regarding their development of an inter-parish, water-powered bottle rocket is alarming in the very least. Those things can take someones eye out, or even worse cause someone who bruises easily to be in a great deal of pain for a while if it hits them in the arm.”

“We do not tolerate what New Iberia is doing, we condemn their actions as highly as possible, and myself and other local leaders will be meeting at T-Coon’s later on to discuss what the next step is.”

It is also being reported that Skoal Team Six has been recalled from Florida in order to assist with the current crisis, however they are not expected to arrive back in the area until tomorrow as they are still handing out chewing tobacco to displaced elementary school children.

This story is ongoing.


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