BATON ROUGE, LA – After watching LSU succumb to an opening day loss against Wisconsin Badgers, janitor Les Miles is absolutely baffled as to why he keeps getting mistaken for a football coach.

Miles, who says that the mistaken identity has been an issue for eleven years now, admits that it’s now starting to get a little aggravating.

“I’m too polite to say no”, he admitted, “It was kind of fun at first but it’s all getting a little awkward now. I think people are starting to suspect that something’s amiss.”

“I just come in here to scrub the place down on game-days. But they always end up pushing me in front of a God-damn whiteboard to talk plays with a bunch of footballers. I don’t even like football, in all honesty. I prefer badminton. So I just draw some random arrows and squiggles up on the board, fire the guys up with a few loud words, and send them out there. It worked great for a while but I guess I just got lucky.”

Miles is also annoyed at how his time on the touchline takes away from his time tending to the campus.

“It’s four or five hours that I could be doing my real job”, he said,  “By the time the game is over, it’s time to clock out, and the place is still filthy. It’s tough to take. I just want to be able to do my real job.”


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