LAFAYETTE, LA – Looks like it’s desperate times for old Alf.

In light of the recent events pertaining to the increased level of confederate statue removals, Alfred Mouton has resorted to dressing himself up in an Adidas tee (from ASOS), a party mustache-glasses-combo, and even going as far as dying his hair blonde.

He has also been seen playing it cool as a cucumber to anyone who made their presence known.

“Gotta be honest bruh, I’ve never heard of this Alfred Mouton dude that you’re talking about”, he was reported to have told surveyors that turned up at the location today, “My name? Steve. Steve Carlisle. Yeah, been here for a couple of weeks now. Not long at all.”

“Honestly fellas, I think that Alfred guy that you’re looking for is probably long gone. Heard he was a real piece of work. Wars? Me? Nah, never been in one. I’m a lover not a fighter. Anyway I’ve got, uh, flat feet. And bone spurs.”

“I’ll keep a lookout for him though, for sure. Sorry to waste your time guys.”

It’s yet to be seen how long Alfr– sorry, Steve Carlisle, will be able to keep this charade up before he joins the legions of fellow confederate monuments that are being removed and relocated.


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