LAFAYETTE, LA – Admitting that she perhaps went “a little too hard” at Cowboys last night, area Catholic Missy Edwards took the initiative this morning by performing her own Holy Communion in the comfort of her own apartment.
Edwards – clearly unable to move further than 5-feet from her current position of being hunched over the kitchen table – figured that God would “most likely be okay with it” considering that he probably knew that she was feeling like death warmed up.
However noting that she had no access to the required wafers like they have at the church, Edwards opted to replace the symbolic item with the next best thing, which happened to be a Frosted Cherry Pop Tart that had been in the pantry for a couple of weeks.
“This should be fine, right?” she was reported to have asked her roommate, “I mean it’s kind of wafery and tastes a little better too. Y’all I’m just using it, whatever.”
Edwards was then reported to have mumbled a few incoherent words to herself, believed to be a halfhearted apology for getting wasted last night and something along the lines of “Just get rid of my sins and hangover please? I promise I’ll never drink again. Thanks”.
God was unavailable for comment.